An Open Letter to the Woman Who Flipped Me Off in the Walmart Parking Lot

I want to thank you for being so generous and kind

Dear Sweet Girl,

You probably don’t remember me, but I’m the gray-haired lady driving a cute little gray hatchback that you flipped off yesterday.

I thought I was doing the right thing by waiting for your parking space. And it kind of shocked me when I saw your middle finger after you pulled out of that coveted sacred slot.

Usually, I’d be upset, but you were looking straight ahead as you drove slowly and silently away — so calm with that infamous rageful gesture. You amazed me with your ability to mix an elixir comprised of peace and steadfast indignation. It was exquisite — fingered poetry at its best!

I know what it’s like to feel so upset at elder drivers. But I still wonder, “What did I do wrong? Did I not leave you enough room to back up? Did I forget to turn my signal light on?” I want to know so I can learn from my mistakes— and apologize for causing you any anguish.

To be honest, I have a strong distaste for drivers who live in the bliss of their golden years. They should stay off the road during rush hour and weekends. Sometimes I forget that I’m one of them. What was I thinking? I wasn’t. I should have stayed home, maybe taken a nap, eaten some prunes, and watched reruns of Wheel of Fortune.

Perhaps, like me, you don’t approve of anyone over 65 who drives or shops on a Saturday. Or, maybe you were rushing home to children, late to work, or just suffered a breakup with your boyfriend. The possibilities of your motives for your frustration with me are beyond my limited imagination.

Oh, how I long to take you out to coffee so I could know the story behind your virtuoso middle digit. I imagine listening to your struggles with my empathetic heart. Do you need an elder friend to support you on your walk through this troubled planet? Who knows, maybe we’ll even become beloved friends!

I’m inviting you to meet me for coffee at the Starbucks on 3rd and Maple. Next Saturday at 3:00 to be exact. After last weekend, I vowed not to drive anymore on the weekends. But I’ll make an exception for you, and I’ll be waiting with my open arms, mind, and heart.

I am so excited to meet you and looking forward to some female bonding. And because of our universal sisterhood, I also feel I must warn you:

Don’t talk to strangers. Even sweet old ladies can be passive-aggressive, seek revenge — and get a wee bit unhinged.

Most sincerely,

Grandma Dexter

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