Donald Trump and The Dog Days of Summer

This Weak in Politics, Vol. 142b (or not 142b. That is the question.)

August 16, 2018

What a week this has been. President Trump revoked the security clearance of the former CIA Director because of the Russia investigation, his former campaign chairman’s trial has been handed over to the jury for deliberation, and one of his top aides and longtime friends has begun releasing embarrassing tapes (no…not THAT tape), and has written a harshly critical, quasi-non-fiction tell-all, causing him to call her a dog. Because presidential.

This led us to this week’s theme: The president has been dogged by persistent allegations that he is a steaming pile of poo.

The truth is, Trump treats any bad news about his administration like an awful smelling fart in public of “unknown” origin…he blames the dog.

And in Trump’s mind, there are plenty of dogs — Mitt Romney, George Will, Ted Cruz (okay, he was right about that one), David Gregory, Chuck Todd, Bill Maher, and now Omarosa Manigault-Newman.

By rabidly picking on that last one — Omarosa — Trump may be barking up the wrong tree. She is as prepared to get into a dirty dogfight as anyone, and already has fleas from hanging around Trump’s kennel.

Sensing this, Trump has been lashing out on Twitter even more than normal, and he has also apparently sought an arbitration claim. (We think that’s the right term, but we are not a lawyer. Then again, Rudy Giuliani isn’t really, either.) The good news for Omarosa: Trump’s bark is worse than his bite — he has yet to sue any of the women who came forth with sexual harassment claims against him as promised, and he actually thinks he’s being tough with Vladimir Putin.

The Omarosa tapes are cause for bigger concern than merely the president’s teetering mental health. It is the second time a close confidant of the president has disclosed that they were secretly recording him, making Trump’s associates worry they might be on a damning tape somewhere.

It has gotten to the point that paranoia roams the halls of the White House like Donald Trump in the locker room of Miss Teen USA — it’s creepy and everyone knows it. The list of those still loyal to the president is shrinking: it is now down to Mike Pence (sp?), Kellyanne Conway, and Jared Kushner.

One of the more noteworthy allegations in Omarosa’s book is that she claims there are tapes of Trump using the n-word — and we suspect it was not for a rap album. Somehow, there are people who believe such a tape would be harmful to the president. Apparently they are unaware that there are tapes of the president calling Mexicans rapists and immigrants animals. There are tapes of him colluding with Russia and tapes of him paying off porn stars. For fuck’s sake, there’s a tape of him saying he’s kinda into the idea of banging his daughter. The racism allegation will only boost his support among his base, and Speaker Ryan will giggle and say he’s just trolling people.

But there are concerns about less-than-racist independent voters, so when Trump was accused of racism, he set out to prove he isn’t racist by attacking a black woman. That left it up to Sarah Huckabee Sanders to try to prove that Trump isn’t racist — which she did by attacking a black man.

In this case, it was President Obama. The attack was that Donald Trump has created more jobs for African Americans in his first 18 months as president than Barack Obama did in 8 years. With math and facts and real things not being this White House’s strength, many were skeptical. Correctly so, as it turns out. During Trump’s 18 months in office, 795,000 African Americans have joined the rolls of the employed, while Obama’s presidency saw the creation of approximately 3 million new jobs for African Americans. So asserting that Trump created more jobs in 18 months than Obama did in 8 years (56 in dog years) was not just wrong, but in keeping with this week’s theme, proves Huckabee Hound is full of shitzu.

Damn you, Art Lien! Also, have you considered using product? You might want to. Just saying, one sketch artist to another.

The jury deliberated for some 8 hours without reaching a verdict, and will pick up deliberations on Friday. Before ending the day on Thursday, the jury submitted four questions to the judge, showing that they are taking their role seriously.

TWITPOL also takes OUR role seriously. As “journalists,” it is important that we ask the questions that the general public wants and deserves to know. To that end, we were able to lob two questions at Paul Manafort’s attorney, Kevin Downing, at the end of the day on Thursday.

And the follow up question:

To distract from Omarosa and the trial (unsuccessfully, as you will note we led with them), President Trump this week revoked the security clearance of former CIA Director and frequent Trump critic, John Brennan. In a statement, the White House said this was necessary as Brennan’s behavior was erratic, unstable, and that he was prone to providing misleading information and outbursts on social media. Apparently we can add “John Brennan” to “John Miller” and “John Barron” as pseudonyms the president uses.

In Kansas, the state’s Attorney General and vote-suppression advocate Kris Noblacks* won the Republican nomination for governor. Sitting governor, Jeff Colyer, was locked neck and neck with AG Goback,* but decided to concede the recount when he realized that if he were to prevail, he would have to be the governor of Kansas for 4 more years.

*Note: The Attorney General of Kansas is Kris Kobach, not Kris NoBlacks or Kris GoBack. We regret the error and hate him nonetheless.

Finally, Catholic Church officials in Pennsylvania made a stunning announcement earlier this week that may shake the perception of the church for years to come. They have identified literally dozens of priests whom they believe have NOT molested children. They also argue there could be several more.

And that’s the way the weak spent the week in a nation where sadly, Aretha Franklin has departed the stage, yet Omarosa and her reality show sidekick have not.

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