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Chapter 27

Something about the age of 27 has always been iconic to me. I attribute this to my heavy rotation of mainly Nirvana, 90’s, and 60’s rock that dominated my high school playlists. I missed the grunge era by nearly two decades but that didn’t stop me from wearing oversized flannel and chucks at every opportunity. Nevermind that.

I wanted to write something about turning 27 on my 27th birthday which was last August, but clearly I didn’t. I never even started. So now I’m more than midway through this year and it’s been unforgettable in many ways. I mean, even now as I write this, the entire world is dealing with a pandemic unlike anything we’ve seen in over 100 years. The economy has crashed completely and over 80 million Americans are being forced to stay home by order of the state.

Update: I’ve been working on this piece over the last couple of months and since I wrote the above paragraph, the United States is now also in the middle of nationwide protests that started because a despicable human being placed his knee on a black man’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds, murdering him.

The victim’s name was George Floyd.

In the midst of all of these difficult circumstances, we are now slowly returning back to the world after being in quarantine for over a month.

So as I’m sure you can relate, this year has quite possibly been the most memorable one of my life.

But let’s rewind to last year for a moment. See, for me, 26 was perhaps the biggest year of my life. For starters, I walked away from a car accident that could have been catastrophic to my life and my family, I arrived at a crossroads at work, I had the opportunity of being able to take my business full-time, and I experienced visiting Israel for two weeks, walking in places that my faith is deeply rooted in. Believe me if you want about my faith, I know saying I looked up to members of the 27 club as a teenager in the intro isn’t necessarily a fruit of the spirit but hey, I never said I looked up to them for actually joining the club! Anyways, I don’t care what you think. 😉

I’m older now, and much wiser, or so people think. Secretly, I’m still figuring it all out every day, just like you.

Because like you, I’m not in control of what each day holds. This year has been one heavy, constant reminder of that.

Starting with the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter, continuing with the Coronavirus pandemic, and ending with the protests that are going on throughout the country as I write this.

This virus took the highest performing US Economy in history and destroyed it in a day. How, when seeing that, can you still believe you’re in control?

Everything in this life is at risk of being completely altered in a second, and every once in a while we get reminded of how true that statement is.

I endured one of these life altering experiences in March, one that hit closer to home.

Flashback to Early April.

As I Leaned down to look into my grandmother’s right eye so she could see me for the first time again, my eyes welled up with tears. This was her first day back from the hospital, coming home to her new reality.

“Aye Dios mío, ayuda me!”

I thought that’s what I heard when I unlocked the door to enter my apartment.

I had just gotten home from Whole Foods after a spur of the moment meet up with someone I’ve grown close to this year and had been gone for a couple of hours.

It wasn’t the words themselves that frightened me, it was the tone in which they were said. My abuela is dramatic in nature so on any other day those same words would’ve been her annoyed with sneezing several times in a row or having a difficult time opening a can of tuna.

But this time was different. It was desperate. And it was followed by an eerie silence.

I rushed to the bathroom I heard her voice come from and knocked on the door.

No response.

I asked if she was okay.

No response.

I slid the door open to find my grandmother laying on top of the shower curtain in the bathtub and choking on her own saliva. Her eyes were rolled over to one side and flickering with this haunting blank stare that I don’t like to think about even now.

In an instant, two strokes and an aneurysm had robbed my grandmother of her left side hearing and vision.

To make matters worse, this all happened at the height of the Coronavirus pandemic in the United States. Meaning my grandmother who only speaks Spanish would have to spend the next five days in the hospital alone around a staff that neither she would be able to understand, and who were incapable of understanding her.

The first night was the worst. We didn’t think she’d make it for a time there.

But she did.

After four more up and down nights, the doctor called my mom suggesting strongly that we needed to get my grandmother out of the hospital because her floor was being converted to a COVID-19 Unit.

The first few days after we brought her home were anxiety-ridden. She came home with a fever which made the situation even more difficult. In case you didn’t know, fevers are one of the main symptoms of the Coronavirus. So, to be safe, nobody interacted with her without a mask and a pair of gloves on. Thankfully she didn’t have the virus.

My mom took on the heaviest load, turning into a full time nurse in the span of a day.

My mother’s love is truly incomparable. She can drive me up a wall on some days but she truly loves with more than words, she loves with action. She won’t tell the world about every little thing she does on behalf of my abuela or for my family, but don’t worry mom, that’s what I’m here for. Dad, don’t get too jealous now, you’ll get your appreciation piece one day too.

In a matter of a moment, my family’s life had been radically changed.

It seems to me that life has an interesting pattern of turning out that way. The most radical changes take place at the most unexpected moments. Yet, I contemplate how else we could endure them if they didn’t blindside us? When faced with harsh realities, I think it’s better to be given no foresight so that the only thing we can do is react.

If you could give me the choice of having known a week prior that my grandmother would have a stroke and that I’d be the one to find her but without being given any more info than that, I’d choose not to know.

I don’t see how any time at all spent overthinking inevitable unpleasant experiences prepares us anymore for them than simply dealing with them as they come, one moment at a time.

It’s surprising how well we can handle difficult situations, when we’re thrown into them. I’d have to say my perspective on difficult situations is shaped by my belief that everything happens for a reason and nothing that does happen is a mistake. I operate with that mindset on a daily basis, knowing in my soul that God doesn’t make mistakes. It may not always turn out positively from our short-term perspectives, but I believe it all has a deeper meaningful purpose down the line.

Expanding on that idea of everything happening for a reason, I’ll continue in breaking down a few details I remember from that day my grandma suffered her strokes. Some of these details are so specific and had such a direct impact on me being home at the right time to find her, that to me it was miraculous.

It wasn’t until after she was admitted to the hospital, that one of her doctors told my uncle that if I hadn’t found her when I did and called the paramedics, she wouldn’t have survived.

And since we’re past the worst of this I’ll admit I remind my grandmother frequently that I saved her life every time she questions my love for her. Nothing proves your love for someone more than saving their life right?! Any competition I had for the coveted position of favorite grandchild is out the window. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve overlapped the competition.

Little moments we think are insignificant add up to play a pivotal role in the major moments that shape our lives. I didn’t plan any of those details to pan out the way they did. In fact, the slightest deviation to any of those few details I can even remember may have led to a reality where my grandma didn’t survive. How many other “insignificant” moments played a role on that day playing out the way it did I will never know.

So taking into account all that has happened so far, where has this 27th year of lessons lead me to?

It’s lead me to a place where I don’t overestimate my own understanding of what’s happening in my life in the short-term. Life can change in incomprehensible ways in just a few seconds and there’s nothing we can do about it other than to keep on living and pushing forward the best that we can.

I don’t believe it’s our responsibility to get caught up worrying about the details of how things will work out. Our responsibility Is to not let what we cannot control affect how we go about executing on all that we can control. And there’s plenty of that.

This pandemic forced the world to stop and reflect, minus all of the distractions we busy ourselves with by choice or by obligation.

Regardless of what those distractions usually are for you in a pandemic-free world, most of us have had the chance to take a deep look at ourselves and see the kind of people we are, what we are working towards, what we find our identities in, and how we measure the worth of our lives.

Personally, I hope to never experience another pandemic again in the course of my lifetime, but with that being said I ask this question rhetorically: have you spent the majority of this time to better yourself, or have you spent it thinking about how desperate you are for it to be over? Each of our individual answers to this question is going to play a tremendous role in how we approach life in general when things are back to normal.

For some, that role will lead to an incredibly positive impact on the world as we know it, and for others, that role will lead to what your life was before, whether good or bad.

With that being said, 27 has been such an eye-opening year to teach me about the ever-changing circumstances of life. Just two years ago I was worried about things that today feel like distant memories I’m no longer concerned about.

This year has been unexpected and terrible and fantastic all at once. Specific prayers I had in November of last year have come to pass and have been reshaped in ways I couldn’t have imagined and certainly never asked for. Situations I perceived initially as negative outcomes led to blessings down the road that saved me from the terrible reality of what would have been, if I had gotten what I wanted initially.

I’ve formed connections with certain people out of the blue that I didn’t plan for that have made me evaluate my life more deeply and has also made me understand the chapters that I’ve outgrown.

I’ve had great opportunities come my way that I couldn’t have foreseen a year ago. I’ve developed closer bonds with good people and seen the difference between shallow friendships where you give all, and deeper friendships where the giving is reciprocal.

I’ve had the pleasure of working as a team with some of the most talented, but more importantly, good people I know. I’ll take being surrounded by good character over good talent any day of the week.

Over and over again, this year has made me reflect on the silver linings of life. Our vantage points are fixated on the present and if we’re not careful, we’ll let each day have way too much power on our view of tomorrow.

Today may be dark, but don’t let that darkness cast a shadow on tomorrow. Each day has its own worries and with the right outlook on life many of those worries dissipate with time.

That doesn’t mean life isn’t tough.

That doesn’t mean that we won’t find ourselves in terrible situations without explanation.

But it does mean there is a hope that no matter the circumstance, all things are working for our good.

There is a silver lining to be found in the disappointments of today that can lead us to a better tomorrow.

That’s the way I’ve experienced my 27th year so far. A year of what I’ve been calling “pressure-cooker type preparation” that has come out of nowhere with opportunities I didn’t plan for, people I didn’t expect to come into my life, and all leading to the next chapter of what God has for me around the corner. I have no idea what lies ahead for me in that chapter but If 27 has taught me anything, It’s that I don’t need to know- that’s the author’s job.

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